Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
