getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
