from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
