Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Boobs speak an international language.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
