so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
