when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
