Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
