I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
