My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
that's an acceptable place to lick
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
