I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
