I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
