Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
