i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
