whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
