i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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