If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize