threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
