He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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