I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
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so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
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My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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