I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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