Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
