carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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