Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
