its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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