If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You are the jesus of drinking
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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