Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
