There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Duck Duck Cougar?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
