Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
