If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
