I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
