I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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