The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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