Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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