dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
