I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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