I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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