I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
