just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
