he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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