Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
