nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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