When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have feelings that need drinking.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
