Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
