Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
