Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
