Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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