It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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