To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
