I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
