Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
