No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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