I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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