no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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