If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
