Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize