Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
