At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
