so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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