Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
