The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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