the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
