The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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