your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
