I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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