Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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