okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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