question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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