he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
