i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
