That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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