tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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