6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
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I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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