so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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