You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
