if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
