I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
