Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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