I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
