Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
