Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
