Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
